Bones: ill see if i can find them 04:56:05
Bones: theyre on one of my google drives 04:56:09
Bliss: But yea like honestly when it comes to dating I just gave up and accidentally ran into my bf in vr 04:56:32
Bliss: We ended up liking a lot of the same shit and different shit 04:56:43
Bliss: And then we met up and I got to fuck 04:56:49
Bliss: No longer getting tossed into volcano yay 04:56:57
Bones: the only people ive really been talking to w romantic interest are people i knew when i was in florida 04:57:09
Zen: No romantic interest for me 04:57:21
Zen: Just gay men wanting me 04:57:27
Bones: but i cant really take it too seriously bc im not generally interested in participating in sex 04:57:33
Zen: And closeted straight men 04:57:34
Bones: damn bro let me hit fr 04:57:42
Zen: nah I'm legit straight 04:57:48
Bones: LMFAO 04:57:50
Zen: I've been around 04:57:50
Zen: I know what I like 04:57:54
Bones: its ok i get it 04:58:00
Bones: i ride an awkward line of being undesirable for straight men or gay men 04:58:11
Bones: not because im a man but bc i dont have a penis 04:58:25
Bones: my dick fell off real 04:58:28
Bones: pensive emoji 04:58:32
Zen: that sucks 04:58:40
Zen: I wish my dick would fall off 04:58:45
Zen: I fucking hate being a man 04:58:52
Bones: give it to me 04:58:53
Bones: give it to me rn 04:58:56
Bones: im taking it 04:58:58
Bones: become lesbian 04:59:17
Zen: I have too much pride in how far I've come and what challenges I've overcome as a man. I look forward to what challenges come tomorrow 04:59:56
Zen: But it is legitimately dreadful 05:00:01
Bones: so real but i get what u mean 05:00:18
Bliss: Unless you met me when I was in my early 20s and would wear femboy shit 05:00:47
Bliss: I would have fucked you 05:00:52
Bones: real 05:01:11
Bones: man 05:01:16
Bones: femboys got me fucked up 05:01:20
Bones: i miss being a femboy 05:01:23
Bones: lost my mojo fr 05:01:31
Zen: yeah idk i've always been more interested in strong manly women 05:02:02
Zen: apparently that is indicative of mommy issues but 05:02:11
Zen: i won't get into that 05:02:17
Bliss: Fair 05:02:22
Bones: lmfaoo 05:02:30
Bliss: It's funny I'm smol and aggressive 05:02:35
Bones: so real though 05:02:37
Bones: to be fair i had like a sexual awakening towards confident and forward goth women 05:03:03
Zen: but the women in my workplace who like to boss people around and shit don't really like when a man like me is self-assured and confident, unwilling to give unnecessary parts of himself to her 05:03:08
Zen: so brutal 05:03:11
Zen: I think it's because I'm in a labor union so 05:03:22
Bones: fair idk anything abt labor unions if im being honest 05:03:36
Bones: ive only ever really worked at a library and in acting stuff 05:03:54
Bliss: Bro I think it's because you come off as too cocky or something most women don't like it when men outshine them esp in labor work where it's almost impossible for them to get shit done 05:04:08
Bones: also art i guess but that doesnt rlly give me workplace experience 05:04:09
Zen: Yeah I set up theatre and conventions as a stage technician 05:04:20
Bliss: Oh you like the mean ass women bro 05:04:36
Bones: yeah girls usually like confident men but being confident is different from being arrogant i guess its a pretty fine line 05:04:41
Zen: Most women in california are mean ass women 05:04:59
Bliss: Those girls will chew you up and spit you out 05:04:59
Bones: a lot of girls are mean asf 05:05:10
Zen: it's just a culture thing i guess 05:05:13
Bones: i wouldnt be surprised 05:05:23
Bones: just about everyone where im from is pretty mean bc its kinda ingrained in the area to be that way ig 05:05:40
Bliss: You need one of those cowgirls or lumberjack girls 05:05:45
Bones: part of why not having to be mean was so weird for me when i went south bc people were just nice to be nice 05:06:00
Zen: I cannot get them because I am a very mean person 05:06:00
Zen: And they like positivity 05:06:05
Zen: I've been made quite negative 05:06:14
Bliss: Do you like being mean? 05:06:24
Zen: I shouldn't air all this to you guys but yeah it's been really hard for me to be nice to people after I grew up 05:06:31
Zen: no 05:06:31
Zen: I just don't like to be hurrt 05:06:34
Bones: no ur good bro i understand 05:06:42
Zen: So when people slight me I tend to hurt them harder than they hurt me 05:06:45
Bliss: Fair 05:06:45
Bones: i had a pretty rough phase in my life where i felt like i needed to be mean to everyone 05:06:55
Bliss: I use to do that but I got therapy 05:06:57
Bones: mood 05:07:07
Bones: tbf tho it takes wanting to change for therapy to work 05:07:15
Bliss: I also use to bite people and eat gravel too so idk 05:07:23
Bones: ik bc i was in therapy the whole time and didnt actually want to change 05:07:25
Zen: Well there were many people who were mean to me, and many people hurt my friends and never cared about it 05:07:28
Bones: bruh 💀 05:07:34
Zen: The people who I see getting ahead never give a fuck about other peoples feelings 05:07:38
Zen: And they use people 05:07:40
Zen: and spit them out 05:07:43
Bones: yeah unfortunately thats pretty common 05:07:49
Zen: They take every step to get ahead even if its immoral or downright degenerate behavior 05:07:58
Bliss: That's capitalism baby 05:07:59
Bones: where i live were kind of taught thats the only way to get anywhere in life 05:08:04
Bliss: And we can't outrun it :) 05:08:17
Bones: i had to unlearn a lot of manipulative and controlling behaviors that id been taught 05:08:17
Zen: And me, being the normal dude I like to think I am, cannot fit into that society where everybody is only looking for transactional enjoyment from each other 05:08:21
Bones: yeah i feel that 05:08:42
Zen: While at the same time having hard times realizing what enjoyment I'm looking from other people 05:08:44
Zen: Hard to uh 05:08:48
Zen: Combat it all at once 05:08:53
Bones: yes i understand that i have pretty similar feelings i think 05:09:09
Bones: in terms of like not fitting in bc of the standard transactional behaviors that are expected 05:09:30
Bliss: When I realized I kept relying to much on partners for my happiness I took a step back and decided to fix that part of me 05:09:43
Bones: yeah same 05:09:55
Bliss: And learn how to entertain myself without someone else 05:10:01
Zen: I've always been happy by myself 05:10:16
Bones: but i think i also am just afraid of hurting other people equally as much as im afraid of being hurt so i avoid romance generally 05:10:20
Zen: What makes me sad is the disappointment that somebody had lied to you for so long 05:10:24
Zen: That they never cared to fulfill their promises to you 05:10:32
Bones: yeah i get that 05:10:38
Zen: That they never cared about you enough to be honest, only stringing you along because you had something to offer 05:10:51
Zen: Only going for people who are already set in life 05:11:01
Zen: I just don't care anymore 05:11:11
Bones: understandable man 05:11:19
Bliss: I have been there man 05:11:37
Zen: I tried to find real love while I was broke and struggling and she dumped me for a guy who was double my age who sells weed 05:11:39
Zen: There's no fucking point 05:11:46
Bliss: I was a teenager when that shit happened for other reasons 05:11:48
Bones: i think its good that you know you can be happy by yourself if it makes you feel any better 05:11:51
Bliss: But it sucks 05:11:53
Bones: because being able to be happy by yourself is a massive feat in and of itself 05:12:09
Zen: I think being okay with being sad and depressed is the feat 05:12:26
Zen: From which you build upon 05:12:30
Bones: yes 05:12:35
Zen: Despair comes and goes but in that time you can feel so much pain 05:12:40
Zen: Torment 05:12:42
Bones: once you feel comfortable enough you might be able to add more positive feelings on top of it 05:12:54
Zen: Like your ribs are turning in on themselves in a black vacuum 05:13:01
Bones: theres no way to feel positive things without feeling the harshest of them 05:13:08
Zen: For me I accepted the pain will never go away. It's like there is a door in my heart that whenever I open I sob 05:13:30
Zen: But it's okay 05:13:33
Zen: We just 05:13:34
Zen: Don't think about it 05:13:36
Bones: granted i guess im not a good reference point, i generally dont feel much emotionally 05:13:38
Zen: And everything is ok 05:13:39
Bones: yeah sometimes u just need to take a step back and have a breather from it 05:13:50
Zen: I am on an upward path 05:13:52
Bones: and thats ok 05:13:53
Bones: thats good 05:13:59
Bones: ik we just met but im proud of u for being aware of that 05:14:06
Zen: Thank you but flattery makes me feel awkward right now 05:14:36
Bones: sorry i didnt mean it as flattery 05:14:45
Zen: lol 05:14:47
Zen: not explicit flattery just 05:14:54
Zen: idk 05:14:57
Zen: I'm not particularly proud of myself so when other people tell me they are proud it makes me quite sad 05:15:17
Bones: its ok sorry i can be a bit much without realizing it lmao 05:15:17
Bones: i get the same thing i think 05:15:29
Bones: i feel kind of weird when people tell me theyre proud of me bc i dont understand really how they could be 05:15:49
Bones: i also think that it takes another point of view to be able to see what there is to be proud of though 05:16:03
Bones: whether or not you want to try and see it is another thing entirely 05:16:15
Bones: for now you can just believe in the me that believes in u 05:16:27
Zen: Yes I remember when one of my old friends was depressed he would go on and on about how much life didn't matter and nothing mattered 05:16:48
Zen: Nothing I could say would make him believe in anything 05:16:54
Zen: Sometimes it feels like nothing will get better ever. It's okay though I know they will 05:17:31
Bones: the fact that you know that is really impressive 05:17:46
Zen: Well I'm an alcoholic so I am going to feel better very soon 05:17:56
Bones: since people tend to let themselves get completely consumed by the negativity usually 05:18:05
Bones: thats okay we all have our vices 05:18:24
Bones: even if they arent healthy lmao 05:18:30
Bones: some of the happiest people i know are borderline alcoholics so i dont think that has much impact really 05:18:56
Zen: And I think on a pretty big level my internalized trauma and sorrow have made it so I can't really love somebody 05:19:09
Zen: Well 05:19:11
Zen: It has made me very unapproachable and off-putting to normal people 05:19:26
Zen: "normal" 05:19:33
Bones: thats okay, its pretty common for internalized stuff to make socializing difficult 05:19:39
Bones: yes normal in quotes is very important lol 05:19:47
Zen: People who are closed off and only want to experience good things and hurt people who make the suggestion their actions are negative in some ways 05:20:23
Bones: i think something important to keep in mind is everyone is always going through something even if they dont want to let it show just because society expects us to be packed in pretty packages basically 05:20:33
Bones: i think we all sort of deserve breaks though especially when life is hard 05:21:11
Bones: so we cant/shouldnt really hold it against people who present themselves as a little mean 05:21:25
Zen: Yes I give people very many chances, if they are kind and apologize for their actions. 05:21:28
Bones: being a little mean doesnt mean youre a bad person 05:21:33
Bones: see and i think that shows you are a good person 05:21:42
Zen: There is a person I work with in my union who called me a fucking idiot and threatened to punch me in the face 05:21:44
Zen: So I told my superiors and they informed me it is an ongoing issue 05:21:57
Bliss: Society wanted me to be a porcelain doll with no issues and to mold me into the perfect girl/woman 05:22:01
Bones: same bliss lmao 05:22:07
Bliss: Then when I did not fit the mold they left me to fucking rot 05:22:11
Bones: i was raised very strictly to be the perfect little lady and then i became one of the biggest family disappointments 05:22:26
Bones: 🕶 05:22:29
Bones: (those are sunglasses) 05:22:42
Zen: Yes my dad and myself never speak to the rest of our family. 05:22:47
Bliss: Well the church couldn't handle I had autism and disabilities so shrug 05:22:55
Zen: They tried to get me to leave him when I was a teenager and they were kicking him out of our family home 05:23:00
Zen: They told me to stay and leave my dad behind 05:23:08
Zen: Same thing my grandparents did when i was like 8 05:23:18
Zen: Even his best friend when they had a falling out tried to get me to move in with his family and work for him instead of the union my dad was in 05:23:47
Zen: But it fucking sucked so I left and joined 05:23:56
Bones: joined the union with your dad you mean? 05:24:24
Zen: Yeah 05:24:31
Bones: sorry im just trying to make sure i understand things properly lol 05:24:40
Zen: Now I work with a lot of older people who knew my dad when he was becoming a good stagehand 05:24:52
Bones: i think thats kind of impressive though that you stayed loyal 05:24:57
Zen: Only scum would attempt to separate somebody from their family in the ways they did 05:25:14
Bones: i agree 05:25:19
Zen: They would always talk so much shit about my dad behind his back 05:25:21
Zen: But my dad was never mean about them to me 05:25:30
Bliss: Fair 05:25:32
Bones: especially when you clearly care for your family 05:25:32
Zen: Even if my dad yelled at me a lot, he's very honest 05:25:46
Zen: Hardworking 05:25:52
Bones: you and your dad sound like good people more or less 05:25:53
Bliss: I have daddy issues so I can't fully relate to all of this but I understand the pain 05:25:57