idk vwhy 09:54:40
bruh 09:55:49
like irl or 09:56:09
oop 09:56:26
im back 10:03:43
and yea 10:03:44
apparently feeling murderous no real reason 10:04:00
bruh moment 10:04:06
sometimes you just get the urge to kill 10:04:18
yeah? 10:04:27
yes 10:04:37
i only really get that when im irrationally angry 10:04:47
i am not angry or upset 10:04:56
just urge to kill specifically 10:05:03
sometimes i think i vwas born the vwrong creature 10:05:42
i should not just havwe the random urge to kill im pretty sure 10:06:00
i mean 10:06:41
it happens 10:06:43
i mean 10:10:46
its not supposed to really 10:10:49
💀 10:10:57
i am just happy my bf doesn't mind it 10:11:40
im pretty sure i've scared enough men and women away just saying that 10:12:00
i mean i think the fact is that u dont just randomly kill things 10:12:20
so 10:12:23
🧍♂️ 10:12:32
i think itd be more worrying if u actually did 10:12:33
no offense 10:12:44
i cant be part of this 10:12:46
my bf just reminded me when he got the cat toys for our cats i played with it for a while 10:13:11
you know what im just a cat stuck in a human body 10:13:48
:( 10:13:50
its probably why all the other cat's love me 10:14:18
they know the truth 10:14:22
also no i only kill things for food probably haven't done it yet 10:14:53
i dont think ive ever actually killed anything other than bugs and like a mouse one time on accident 10:15:23
🧍♂️ 10:15:26
i have to big a sense of guilt to kill things i think 10:15:29
i have had to kill a lot of small animals due to accidents 10:15:48
including a literal bat 10:15:56
those dudes will not die easy 10:16:06
i had to smash that bitch against a rock 10:16:15
LOL 10:16:20
💀bruh 10:16:21
it was already dying 10:16:26
i mean fair 10:16:29
its lung was punctured by our cat 10:16:34
oh 10:16:37
i mean thats fair 10:16:39
kinda funny ngl 10:16:46
even then though i could never bring myself to be the one to do anything 10:16:47
and i had to give it to animal control 10:16:48
but ive also had so many animals die in my arms so 10:16:53
i also once had to stomp on a bird 10:17:15
it was dying but also had a cat trying to play with it 10:17:31
that was not fun for me 10:17:38
owning cats and having cats that love to not only hunt but not fully kill them sometimes it be like that 10:18:06
honestly i personally don't like killing things like that 10:18:34
i like to eat my murder thanks 10:18:41
fair 10:18:54
i mean thats better than senseless killing ig 10:19:02
my bf just said you play with your food after you kill it 'ive seen it' 10:19:19
i dont think i could be the one to kill something tho generally although ive gotten pretty close to doing so out of there being no other options 10:19:25
this does not help my case 10:19:26
bruh 10:19:42
look ima be fr give me a chicken and say its food and i'll murder it 10:20:09
we will have chicken dinner 10:20:14
mmm chicken 10:20:33
💀 10:20:43
but yea idk if its a fight instinct that causes me to go 'ah yes i feel like killing' 10:21:28
but i don't need to actually kill anything to fix it 10:21:41
i just play fortnite 10:21:46
fortnite satiates my bloodlust somehowv 10:22:01
bf just said its because i get to murder children im dead 10:22:19
vwheezing 10:22:31
💀 10:22:45
i might do that though vwhile i vwait to pass out 10:23:03
because i need to get it out of my system 10:23:13
unless yall are bringing back eridan and karkat or somethin 10:23:37
soon 10:25:09
theyre almost done 10:25:12
aight lmao 10:25:32
my internet died because fortnite updated 10:26:08
you piece of shit game 10:26:18
vwhy 10:26:23
also can i just say i find it funny that aradia is still on cronuss lap vwith his jacket ovwer her completely 10:27:22
he's just like im not moving she shall sleep 10:27:38
unless he moved the jacket noone would know its just a sleepy sheepy 10:28:04
i mean shes probably woken up from the music at least 10:29:34
fair 10:29:41
shes just under his jacket then lmao 10:29:51
on his lap 10:29:58
just chilling 10:30:04
i just thought of something funny 10:30:36
eridan and karkat come back and aradia sits up under the jacket and cronus is just like sup 10:31:05
eridan and karkat would probably be weirded out 10:31:43
:0 10:41:08
real shit 10:41:27
havving a vvery compelling convversation 10:51:37
lmao fair 10:51:46
bones is calling me a sociopath 11:04:31
vwhat did you say 11:04:39
just a psychological study kind of thing 11:07:39
lmao ok 11:07:56
i was told by a study psychologist to get checked being a borderline psyhopath 11:09:37
something somethin 11:09:43
i was like no thanks i have enough medication 11:09:59
it vwas interesting 11:10:32
yeah i just know a lot about aspd stuff because ive always found it interesting which is why im able to clock it 11:11:07
fair 11:11:38
i can't really say i'm well adjusted to society because that would be a lie but i am apparently socially acceptable enough apparently 11:12:49
it just be like that sometimes 11:13:06
yeah 11:13:56
i mean you also had a very severe case of autism growing up didnt u 11:14:06
yes 11:14:10
i was also put on a bunch of illegal drugs too 11:14:33
i feel like that would cause a lot of the issues bc i think u said urself u barely were able to act like a human 11:14:33
lmao 11:14:35
so being unable to match "social norms" to this day isnt too surprising 11:14:50
yea but atleast i can kinda function enough to go hey thats kinda fucked up my brain please calm down 11:15:14
yeah 11:15:23
find other outlets to get the shit out of my system without causing harm 11:15:37
yeah bliss i think youre fine the couple times wwevve spoken 11:31:36
i knowv i aint vworried about that lmao 11:31:50
i just know some people get nervous around me sometimes 11:32:05
i just get nervous around everyone 11:32:15
lmao ik 11:32:19
chiuhahua dna baked in 11:32:37
literally 11:33:15
idk if maybe i should ask my psych about starting another med or starting to start taking my old one on top of the other one im on again 11:33:35
i unfortunately got big dog energy in a small body </3 11:33:56
just be careful my dude 11:34:10
im small vwith big dog energy only unless im sleeping 11:34:53
like i stopped taking the prozac bc i thought it was causing my increased irritability but i think really my irritability is just because of the fact im basically living in a psychological horror game 11:35:04
yea you are 11:35:16
so i might talk to my psych about starting it again bc i do still have a bottle of it 11:35:28
fair 11:35:35
but id rather not start it again without consulting him first 11:35:36
also fair 11:35:41
bc im the type of person to not really try treating anything without a doctors advice 11:35:52
my ass stopped taking birth control without consulting any doctor because they kept ignoring me 11:36:01
bc i dont want to make things worse 11:36:02
now i feel better 11:36:06
fair 11:36:08
i mean theres certain times where i will stop taking a medication just because 11:36:18
i was getting cysts in my liver 11:36:30
like that one doctor who had me on a med that was commonly used for anorexia 11:36:34
even tho i did not have an eating disorder at the time 11:36:47
apparently birth control does that but they lie about it 11:36:49
great love that 11:36:54
ikr 11:36:57
australia is the only place where they actually apparently listen to women 11:37:27
they have more shit and testing for women then half the fucking globe for some reason 11:37:53
awesome 11:38:00
brb 11:38:22
been off birth control for almost a year also tyt 11:38:27
or it is a year and a little more 11:38:35
my god my life changed 11:38:41
man 11:57:14
i went and got some chicken feathers been collecting the ones that fall off since they were little 12:01:11
most of them are flight feathers that are starting to get beautiful 12:01:33
yeah my mom collects some of the pretty feathers from the chickens and gives them to me usually 12:08:30
i just have a bag full of bannie feathers 12:08:59
the broilers always get shit on there white feathers 12:09:19
waiting for the cinnamon queens to get some nice ginger brown feathers 12:09:46
i have mostly the americauna feathers or however its spelled 12:11:49
bc they have black feathers but they have a really neat oil spill kind of way of reflecting light 12:12:04
ooo 12:12:11
i loe americaunas 12:12:19
yeah a lot of ours are mixed with americauna now 12:12:37
fair 12:12:43
but i think we only have like 2 actual pure americaunas 12:12:49
nice 12:13:08
in the future i'm thinking getting a couple of pure flocks for diff reasons 12:13:50
one for eggs one for meat probably 12:14:02
nice 12:14:29
but for now i take care of the current chickens that are not technically mine 12:14:31
theres a specific breed of chicken for meat 12:14:35
oh i knowv vwe havwe it 12:16:55
cornish cross 12:17:10
fast af growing but the problem is they grow too fast 12:17:24
yeah 12:17:55
i mean thats the point of them tho 12:17:59
theyre supposed to grow fast and then they become too big to move 12:18:12
i knowv but there are purebreds you can breed for meat too 12:18:13
cornish crosses are not purebreds unfortunately 12:18:27
idk much abt meat breeds 12:18:41
since we only ever went w egg layers 12:18:47
fair 12:18:51
even tho we dont even eat eggs that much 12:19:03
depending on where me and my bf live we will find out the kind of chickens we want 12:19:28
my family goes through about almost 3 carton of eggs a vweek 12:19:43
sometims 4 12:19:56
its vwild 12:19:59
yeah 12:20:42
we used to eat more eggs but like 12:20:48
considering our stove doesnt work theres less ways to really cook them 12:21:00
fair 12:21:20
like we have one of those things that lets you cook them in the microwave but like idk 12:21:21
im too lazy for that it feels like even more work than using a stove 12:21:30