Tuesday 10 October 2023

> "I could have given you a warning, but even then, it was just an educated guess. Nanomachines, mad scientist, troll experiments, abandoned warehive as a base of operations- really, it was obvious." Tobira you could probably do without, but Blanca? Mm. You can do without each other, but obviously you would want her to live over yourself, mostly because she hasn't done anything wrong. Not conventionally and not toward you personally so. You slouch as you stand, eyes easily drifting through them as your only thoughts are on... huh. Nothing in particular. The inky black has gotten sludge all over your train of thought. Either way, you don't really take anything to your pusher- "If you couldn't see it, that's on you." You would note their agitation as nothing more than blowing hot air, but even with your soul-relieved husk, you still have the emotional intellect to realize this is abnormal, "They won't die- well, Blanca won't anyways. Tobira might if he keeps doing stupid things, but really I don't care anymore. Tried and ignored on that front. What, you afraid you're going to die, too? I'm not going to let that happen, honestly. What are you expecting me to do?" 02:16:42

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> "If I cared about dying I wouldn't have gone with you." The brighter your orbs glow, the further the light pools into the veins around them, like vines crawling slowly from your eyebags and branching out, then down your cheekbones, stopping before your jaw and fading away. "Obvious to you, but not to the rest of us. You never give anyone the full context because you're so busy being in your pan, or whatever you call that empty skull. I'm not expecting you to keep me from dying, but I need the context to keep other people from it. I didn't even know I was walking into a fight." Part of that was on you, if you pointed out every fallacy in your argument then your sentences would be threadbarren. Emotion at the cost of your braincells, it's a wonder this conversation is even still going. You don't move, if you move you might swing and then.. You know what happens then. If you were high you wouldn't have this problem, if you were high you would be sitting in your dorm at your desk working away at some fake limb and quietly seething to yourself a very short argument. You'd be more efficient. Smarter at the cost of that emotion. You're ignoring the growing stabbing pains behind your eye, like a hammer to a chisel, it relentlessly pounds. You're really fucking this up. 02:51:17

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> You step up to them, looking over their frame: Their fiercely heavy stance, the violence basically teeming from their balled up fists, all the way up to their tense face with all that psionic energy being constricted by... hm. Not concern for your well-being, that's for sure, "So, it's [i]my[/i] fault no one else can think with a bit of coherence and planning?" Of course, that just seems to be a running them these nights. Your fault for the tournament, your fault for the infighting, your fault for Blanca being gone, and now this. Mhm. Sounds good to you, "Fine, we can play the blame game. It [i]is[/i] my fault that, for whatever reason, everyone seems to be incompetent. What do [u]you[/u] plan on doing about it?" You emphasize yourself by using an arm to shove them them in the chest. Nothing hard, they're all fragile as far as you're concerned, which is why you [i]still[/i] aren't going to tell anyone your next course of action. You'll save it for later. 03:05:07

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> You step up in response, you won't hit him yet, eyes narrowing to a sharp glare again. "I'm not saying everything is your fault, i'm just saying it would be nice if anyone else was in the loop for once, maybe then you wouldn't be so busy somehow getting wrapped up in more antics while still plotting how to fix the rest of them. But who am I kidding, your weird hero complex could never let you." Why is fighting him a bad idea again? Besides losing any trust you had, if you had any to begin with, it would also probably not be a very good advantage in the real fight, not to mention conversation. You'll use some of that missing self restraint to keep this episode to a minimum. 04:39:41

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> It was a simple affair really- you decide to try a little harder. By a little you mean you'd used bit more force then you expected when grapple them and pinned them by wrenching one of their arms up. Not too harsh, but of course it wasn't going to be as light as that little shove a moment before. It must've been a blur for them- going from standing to pressed into the mattress with you looking raring to splatter their head across the freshly cleaned sheets you had placed back upon it. There goes a look- an actual expression. Like you're in pain and exhausted, but also... guilt? You wouldn't know, you can't see yourself. Your free fist was cocked back; loaded for a finisher, but remains drawn rather than launching off, "The complex thing I'm dealing with right now is you. It's always something else- every time." You hate violence. You won't be using anymore, but force is required. 04:57:51

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((um 04:59:15

((now im confused 04:59:21

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((damn, we spading rn? 05:02:12

((fuck if i know 05:02:38

((CJ and IG are a disfuctional mess that I can't look away from)) 05:06:24

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((ikr? 05:06:46

((they don't pity each other because they just annoy each other too much)) 05:08:09

((but not enough for true hate)) 05:08:19

((quadfusing 05:08:59

((this is why trolls need ausipices)) 05:09:30

((yet none have formed officially 05:10:06

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((yall read this stuff? 05:17:10

(:v i dont buy it 05:17:26

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((bold to assume we dont 05:18:21

(*side eyes the camera* 05:18:48

((side eye 05:19:39

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((are you implying you don't read my stuff? ;-; )) 05:21:58

((i cant read 05:22:17

((i do 05:22:20

((i just havent caught up 05:22:25

((Umm, skill issue?)) 05:23:19

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(I am the lore master, I just refuse to disclose ùWú 05:23:29

((damn chat, they don’t know 05:24:08

((unlike certain lore hoards, my lore is actually plot-relevant)) 05:24:46

(( :p )) 05:25:01

((the Cliody road law breaking lore, very relevant 05:25:32

((very expensive, douglath 05:25:54

((it's a silly character moment that is shared with GM. Relevant indeed)) 05:27:12

((they be zoomin. Did you want to pick that up atm or nah 05:30:26

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> After what felt like hours: the joyride in Cliody's doorless troll-Jeep ends. Cliody back into the same parking spot as before. "So polash officer, was this trek satisfactory? I always aim to maximise my speed within the bounds of legal driving." 05:40:31

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> What? What? How? Since when is Zegama moving in super speed what the fuck. You don't have time to react, and when what just happened finally dawns on you, your anger is diluted with a confused look. The look on his face is enough to almost make you feel bad through the red veil, You don't struggle. The only action of retaliation you take is placing a firm hand on the arm holding you. "If you're going to hit me get it over with." You'll let him have that, it's your turn to walk away with a busted eye. 05:41:08

((i took the safest option, it will not pay off, i can see my death ahead. 05:41:27

> this troll was now angled awkwardly out of fear of either flying off or falling out the door. They giggled as they ease up and relax in the seat. “Wow, ride being faster than expecting! V-Very satisfaction!” They sat up and patted down their now extra flooded up hair. “Pumper going wild!” That would explain that blush. “May letting go, with warning only.” They add with a cheeky adrenaline rushed smile 05:48:16

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> You can shake off the expression a bit with a moment of silence between you both. That face never happened, "Unlike you, my wits are about me enough to [i]not[/i] damage your being." Why would they make an offer? You've already told them that you wouldn't raise a hand to them- or at least you think you did? Maybe, what you me is that you implied it to them earlier. You lean a bit closer to get a better look at the renewed, vibrant iridescence coursing through those strange orbs of theirs. They look healthier that way, even if it's just a bit more of a glow in the eyes, "Hm, fairly enchanting." You [i]almost[/i] forget there is someone you should find, "I should go.." 05:57:47

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((sighh 06:06:20

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> Did you lose all your brain cells when you were tackled? Forget how to think? Short circuit again? Whatever excuse you'll eventually go with, something in you, in an almost reflexive way, leans up when he moves closer. Add this to the list of things to internally die over later, another point in the argument against yourself. You'd probably be panicking right now if your head wasn't hollow, definitely a short circuit. 06:14:24

((and thats how you write the most cliche spades of all time yippee 06:14:48

> Freaky. In a movie sort of way, like when Jayson arose from the water at the end of that one film about the machete wielding maniac with the iconic mask. This wasn't that in earnest, though. It was... expectant? Impulsive? Impulse has been the name of their games since last night, so fine, you'll play it with them, just a small bit if it will get you some peace to do what you need to afterward. Your gills stress out a sigh for you and you do something that... hm. Well, you won't regret it, they might though. Maybe a you from later down the line might? Nah. You won't exist soon, all the more reason to [i]not[/i] do it, but it's already in progress as you plant a kiss on your lips. 06:23:16

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> Freaky indeed. What the fuck has gotten into you? You can already feel the regret hitting like a bus, you aren't exactly not kissing back though. Just a smooch before you remember the entire situation and very quickly move away. This is the most scripted thing ever, if there is a gog above, their writing is not subtle. Now what are you supposed to say? It's a bad idea, but not his, but why did he kiss back? What the fuck "Sorry" What the fuck. This isn't the worst thing to be happening but it simultaneously is? You aren't sure it's even in the category of 'worsts' or even 'bad' but you know in the back of your pan that this will only end badly in so many ways. Then again, everything on your cons list has to deal with the fallout of what just happened, the aftermath. When will you get a break from the constant crises? Your schedule is filling up fast with these internal arguments. This is fine, you're fine. 06:36:06

((the stages of denial 06:36:17

(the stages of gaining peace 06:40:22

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((The stages of post kiss spade 06:48:11

> The regret onset for them almost immediately, but for their paranoia susceptible pan, that makes sense. You didn't exactly feel anything... negative. No remorse or torrential guilt weighing down upon your core. You are just a homunculous at this point, so it's no surprise you don't really react in any particular way. You shrug it off, "For what? It was fine." Maybe it is bad? Should you 'feel' bad for the sake of validating whatever they are feeling right now? Hmmm... no. You don't think you will, "Nothing to apologize for." As quickly as you were above them, you were now just sitting there beside them. Thinking. And now that you [i]are[/i] thinking, you feel like you should prep the block for Blanca's return before you go... crusade to bring her back or pick her up from whoever's grubsitting her right now. She'll need a lot of rest. 06:50:13

> Is it possible to go into shock from your own actions? You're now staring at his ceiling covering the yellow in your cheeks with your hand. How do you feel about that? You aren't sure you do. The only words you can truly conjure into your pan are 'what the fuck', what? what. what??? There are a lot of questions you should be asking yourself, but no. Nope. You're short circuiting for the second time in the span of 5 minutes. Even when you can't think, you're still having mini freakouts. 06:57:45

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> You kick your shoes off to crawl into the bed proper, now sitting behind them so. You lean forward to obscure their view of the ceiling with your blank, passionless face. As you are now, fluster is impossible, but if you're being honest you can't remember the last time you really... blushed? Like, from something [i]other[/i] than private times. Would your face flood with color as you are now? Probably... not? Strange. You won't have time to find that out- going to die soon, "You're going to be fine, it wasn't anything serious. You gently pull their hands from their face and just hold them, "Finally got that reaction out of you." And you weren't even trying, makes victory that much... hm. Satisfying? You aren't exactly in the best of mindscapes to be satisfied with this, but the you of before would probably have laughed at their yellow face. 07:10:57

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> Your eyes aren't quite as intense now, still brighter than usual though. Are you embarrassed? flustered? Something in that family surely, even if he doesn't seem bothered, that means absolutely nothing. You let him take your hands, letting them go limp while you stare forward with your lips pulled taut in whatever this mute stupor is. You break that silence "It was weird, I don't even know why.." You trail off, there are those questions again, you don't have the capacity to answer them right now. He should be looking for Blanca, what an odd waste of time. 07:19:51

> "You think too little and too much at the wrong times." You always have a lot to do, guess you'll have to add taking care or them to the list since they can't pull it together. Hmm. How much danger do you think Blanca is in. Judging from the lack of Indigo splattered on CJ, you're assuming neither of them found the guy(s). They definitely don't have Blanca, though, and that vanish and reappearance was too far for her to do by herself. Whoever did it took Blanca for some reason. Another experimenter? Maybe, but you have another metal-ish troll to deal with right now. Quarter metal. Something like that. "Want to try it again?" 07:30:18

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((one sec i just went deaf in one ear 07:37:55

((back 07:38:12

> Do you want to? Umm next question. "Are you serious? You have to go save Blanca!" Now comes the time to tackle those questions. Number 1. Whyyy??????? Perhaps your judgement is being clouded by your temporarily inconvenient sobriety. Maybe it's your shit luck. Could even be a culmination of feelings stored up just getting out of control. Fuck if you know. Second. Why Zegama? He was here? The timing was sufficiently comedic for the cruel gogs who rule you? You don't know, and if you do, you sure as fuck are never admitting you know. Point number three. How is he taking it so well? Seemingly well? He doesn't seem bothered, he doesn't seem happy. You probably wouldn't be either but he also offered to try again? How is he supposed to feel? What do you want him to feel? This is so much thinking it hurts your pan, and far too emotional for your tastes. 07:50:35

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(cheesecake 15:27:42

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((geh 16:15:48

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(Poetic *charges energy* but not VON ENOUGH 16:24:52

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