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Sunday 17 September 2023

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(blue raspberry lemonade where you AT >:[i]9[/i] 04:55:30

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((i was drawin 05:06:53

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(i got distracted by a meme 05:07:30

> You clean up the shrapnel from her eye silently, you've decided to stay and make sure Zeg is okay before leaving and when you decide to do something you aren't one to back down. At least he acknowledged he isn't okay. Thats better than nothing. 05:09:19

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> “fine… be like that then, but if you don’t come, I’m looking for your ass” she closes the door behind her 06:05:24

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> You grimace a bit like you were in pain, and by all stretches of your imagination- no matter how you tried to spin it- you were hurt. Not that they left, but just... just that you don't think they really understand it any better, but it's not their fault.. you're just bad at... everything. Like you said, [i]you ruin-[/i] huh? "Uhh... what about you, I thought you were heading back? I thought you'd be... you know... too busy.." Not that you have any sway over anyone, but you figured you'd ask. 06:12:50

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(THAT A M I N A Y 06:58:12

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(*pets cat* 07:08:16

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( *PURR* 07:10:32

(( :0 07:11:28

(( catticus 07:11:35

(:v catting it up *picks up cat* they become looooooong >:v 07:12:41

( OH GOD MY SPIIIINE 07:13:08

(: U oh NAH *cradles* 07:14:04

> "Me? leave? Not when you're crying." You finish picking up the pieces and stand, putting them in your box before looking back at Zeg "What's really wrong?" You doubt he would get all teary eyed over his lusus, few do so the chances are unlikely. That is a path you will eventually venture down but right now you'll stick to the topic at hand. You're trying not to sound demanding for once, you can understand that when someone is crying it's usually a time to not be a dick, even if thats not your strength. You'll leave as soon as this is sorted out, after that? Hmm. You're sick of work but you can't just stop so back on the grind you'll go. Just focus on now. "Work can wait a few minutes." 07:15:43

((same deal, ping when my turn pls and ty 07:15:53

(my favorite acidic bab :9 07:16:05

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(( well blanca is doin her own thing, so... i guess its up to jay now 07:28:44

(gotchu ùwú 07:29:26

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> "Yeah, you'd think that, should've seen me last night. I probably added a good extra 1% of water to the ocean with how much I was bawling. Sure you would've loved to call me a sprinkler." Your laugh is dry, closer to a raspish hum. You crossed the floor during your little jokey response, ending up sitting on the bed. It's evident that while you're closer, you are actually shaking a bit. Just... a bit of a vibration running all over your body. "[i]What's wrong?[/i] Really, you're asking the failure that? I don't [i][u]KNOW[/u][/i] what's wrong and I can't fix it." Your pupils shift to look over at them. Lose the fins and it'd probably seem like you were some clown ready to go on a spree with how red your sclera are, "I just don't know..." everything is just a never ending spiral into the depths of a sable ravine far beneath any charted ocean of any kind. 07:30:54

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> You turn to follow them with your eyes as they talk. Hm. You can't help but frown, you're still on the fence on if this is worse or not. Probably not, if he's feeling something that's better than nothing right? But sometimes even incurable apathy is better than the hurt. Maybe its 50/50. "Stop calling yourself that, it's insulting to how much effort it takes to be a failure." Bad joke, you move on "You aren't a failure, you're just depressed. I can't believe I have to tell you this again but look outside of yourself." Even when Blanca was dealing with an exploded eye he was still closed off. It's like standing at the shore and watching someone get dragged under the waves over and over again by the current. Or maybe you're both in your own oceans watching eachother drown. No, you have your footing right now, you're fine. The worst you have it is wet socks, and thats nothing. Shitty ocean analogy aside, he's definitely making this worse for himself "Did you sleep? And eat?" The basics always help when everything is going to shit. 07:51:06

> "Who cares about if I'm sleeping enough or eating wnough- none of that matters." If you had the vigor to raise your tone you might, because it would definitely coincide with your explosive actions to hop up from the bed like you were on fire, "[i]Look outside of me?[/i] I can't even SEE if there is an inside anymore- I most certainly don't [i]FEEL[/i] an inside. All the organs and makings of a troll are in there, but there's plenty of crap still missing. So, there's no point in me looking on the inside knowing there isn't anything worth a damn [i]in[/i], I've been doing nothing but seeing the outside and I don't what to say other than I screwed it all up." You stress your hair as you pull at it a bit while gripping at your head while pacing around in circles, lost as to where to escort your ramblings, "The company's probably going to be eviscerated, I have no idea [i]WHAT[/i] those guys plan to do to the college-" you interject your frenzy to gesture to the door, "-I LITERALLY caused someone I [i]THINK[/i] I care about to blow out an eye, and it doesn't help I'm not even sure if I'm no longer irked and frustrated with her and someone else so it's hard to even say for sure if I [u]CARE[/u] for them because I'm so... I DON'T KNOW." You hadn't realized it, but your eyes just could not catch a break, the tears were flowing freely and they didn't seem to want to stop any time soon. 08:07:38

> Now it's your turn to sit down. You watch him pace, thinking of a response that won't serve to make him worse when you notice the tears. "You're crying." It's obvious but you still haven't thought of what else to say. "What makes you so sure you're sentencing the company to death?" You realize you have no idea why he's so convinced this will fail. In all your time worrying, you never asked. If there is a tissue box around, you offer him and handful, partly because you aren't sure what else to do. 08:16:50

> The gesture for tissues goes unnoticed as you were to busy looking to the floor more than anything else you rounded the same circular pattern for at least the 20th or so time. "[i]WHY?[/i] Because I'm not- I'm not-" you can't even say it. What do you even want to say? That you're not ready? That you can't do this? [i]Can't win?[/i] "I am not strong enough!" Whoa, there goes thar sharp increase in tone, "I can't DO THIS. WHAT WAS I THINKING? [i]"Boss, allow me to suggest fighting on our behalf so they'll leave us alone"[/i] WHAT WAS I THINKING!? I'M MORE THAN NOT STRONG ENOUGH, I CAN'T DO THIS ANY MORE!" You don't have any better way to express 'this' than just throwing your hands up and spinning around as if to point as everything, "I can't- I just can't- I thought I could, but then they demanded more and more stipulations that I couldn't combat and now HERE we all are. Ready to march onto some battlefield because I failed before things even began! I never meant for anyone else to be involved and I didn't want to hurt anyone- but obviously that's out the window, I've already hurt some good people, and everyone's just gonna hurt a lot more..." 08:35:50

> Woah, that got loud real fast. Maybe you should've left, you only seem to be exacerbating the problem. You put the tissues down "You aren't the only one fighting, it's not solely on you if this goes south. Also the people fighting volunteered so it isn't your job to feel guilty if they get hurt. People you know get hurt all the time and is that your fault? It's just the way the world works so stop blaming yourself for everything." To you, the problem is self doubt, you aren't even sure why, he seems good enough at fighting assuming he does turn out to be the masked figure. This is such a random thing to have a crisis over, you're sure this was just the straw that broke the camels back but you don't have time to play therapist and go over his entire life story. You doubt he'd even share it. 08:43:48

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> You're too weak- sure, you're probably fine physically, but if you were soooooo good you wouldn't need the others- this is a different kind of weak and- "I just can't describe to you what kind of weakness this. It wouldn't make sense if I tried- nothing feels like it's been making sense at all-" no one can really get it and you're bound by some mystical force that makes it impossible for you to give a proper explanation- saying 'I have no soul' doesn't really cover it- not while you're clearly so expressive, "For all the strength everyone may have, I have [i]no gauge[/i] for how much worse this could be! Clearly, I'mbad at this whole team thing with me [i]probably[/i] still mad with two of them, one of which lost an eye just because I was stressing them out! I don't even [i]know[/i] if you're on the team or not, and I'm this close to-" you don't even know what. You just know you're close to something. Giving up? You're close to quitting on this floating amongst the waves because the water is still and moving you no where? You stuff a hand over your face. You're burnt out, you can't handle your stress properly- that's been a part of the problem, not nearly as big given your apathy was taking the reigns, but now the hole in your pan is obvious, "I'm sorry.." you're exhausted from your tantrum, causing you to plummet onto the bed and let your body hang limp with dejection, "Something bad's gonna happen... I feel it.." 09:08:39

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> You didn't consider that he meant another weakness, you can't think with the pacing. It's obvious to consider mental weakness, its the very root of the problem but you just. Didn't. Weird. You wish he would stop moving all the time, you wish you had considered all the options. You'll do that now, chart a course while you're ahead. Fuck. It's all blank. Maybe you should try a less linear way of looking at everything that could be wrong. Physical weakness if off the table. Mental? spiritually? mentally and spiritually are basically teh same thing so it's obviously mental. You've already touched on the fact that he thinks hes going to fail so what now? He thinks hes going to fail because hes weak but the thought of that is making him weak. Even his thoughts move in circles. You watch him wear down the carpet before he hits the bed. Finally. You turn to face him again and lean back on one of your arms "Yeah something bad could happen. But there's always a timeline where everything goes to hell and i'm pretty sure it isn't this one. Usually i get this dread like i can feel the storm coming when everything is going to get bad and.. yep, this isn't it man." You haven't even considered this going truly terribly. You've thought about it but not past the point of Zeg's anxiety. "And sure. I'll join your little fight club." Here's to hoping he falls asleep so you don't have to worry about that. 09:31:25

> This weakness transcends something as trivial as a bad mindset or being slightly out of tune, but you can 100% hear the brontide to the hurricane. Don't really control your actions much anymore, just autopiloting into pulling them into a hug. The jitters feel way worse than they looked, but it subsided rathee quickly once you'd gotten them in your hold. For all the brash aggravation and flagrant stress so palpable and uncontrolled it'd practically be secreting from you like a pheromone, you are much calmer holding onto them, "Something [i]is[/i] going to happen, all I hope for is that it's just me..." your head rested on their shoulder, making it way more apparent that you'd tuckered yourself out... mumbling something to the effect of an apology, "..Forget about it- I wasted your time woth all this... you have more important stuff to do.." 09:47:31

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WB: HELp 09:53:51

—emptyStarlight has disconnected— 09:54:20

> "No, it wasn't a waste of time. If something bad really is going to happen, we can't so anything but brace ourselves and wait. No use in worrying this much." It is what it is. You didn't expect the hug but you reposition yourself so he's more comfortable anyways. There are far worse ways this could have gone, a hug is oddly pleasant considering he looked like he wanted to kill someone earlier. "You should get some sleep, or at the least rest. Can't fight sleep deprived." You wonder how many orders you can get done before your potential doomsday. The fight isn't to the death and you're sure life will move on after it ends, it's just easy to get wrapped up in all the apocalyptic gloom. 09:57:16

((oop 09:57:31

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((i gotta sleep, respond tomorrow 10:05:05

(:V worm! 10:05:49

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> "Mmm..." you just murmur something in response. Something about 'too angry'? Maybe? It must have vaguely sounded like that, but either way you snuggle up to them a bit more, you are a very physical being through and through. No matter the state of ruination. You pull away from them, "I should get back to my dad.. try and... do something with myself before heading back to campus." You rub the back of your neck, "Really, sorry... for just about everything that's happened and still happening." For knowing you... 10:07:34

(ROBOWIFE NAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOO <:U 10:11:55

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(( yeah she... 10:14:32

(( well SOMETHING happened 10:14:41

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(not the trolldroid wife, I'LL GIVE YOU ANYTHING DONT HURT HER <:[i]U[/i] 10:24:57

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(( oh she aint hurt 10:28:41

(( physically that is 10:28:56

(NAAAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I'M SORRI I'LL GIVE YOU ANYTHING 10:31:30

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(( nah, its a canon event 10:32:17

(UNCANON IT < : U 10:33:33

(( no can do 10:34:16

(*collapses* ó ^ ò it's all ogre... 10:35:06

( SHE AINT DEAD 10:35:21

( cool your ass, will you? 10:35:29

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( no ogres were harmed in the making of this film 10:37:20

(you dont understaaaand AAAAUUUUUGGGGGHHHH Ṭ○Ṭ 10:37:45

( look, lets just say... someone else is taking the wheel now 10:39:27

(THEY CAN'T KEEP GETTING AWAY WITH IT ;0; 10:41:25

(YOU UNDERESTIMATE MY PLOT POWER 10:42:47

(noooooo *lays on floor* what's he gonna do with a NOT ROBOWIFE 10:46:06

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(( well I mean… that’s not how she sees it anymore anyway 10:48:19

(( you’re going to have to earn the robo wife back 10:48:42

(AAAAAUAUUUUGGGHHH *crashes* he ain't even KNOW he had robowife status, that's a damn shame ú-ù 10:50:09

(( it’s not like she was fixing to kissing out of NOWHERE 10:51:44

(( if he could read the damn room, then he could have understood 10:52:07

(she wants THE DYING INDIVIDUAL with 8 bajillion things on his mind to read the room >:u 10:53:17

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( skill issue 10:56:54

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(ú-ù he plans to be very sowwi when he gets back- even though he would have regressed back to not caring about where his life is headed 10:58:08

(cause he'll be certain he's dead 10:59:39

(( she did send out one last final distress signal in the memo, I do wonder if he caught it 10:59:55

(: [i]v[/i] well well... the reason he comes back so soon >:[i]V[/i] 11:02:01

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